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Ricardo Patton alienates all of humanity, on astral plane

Patton Nebula
Patton Nebula

Somewhere in the universe, former Northern Illinois head basketball coach Ricardo Patton is floating among deep space. Patton just so happened to alienate so many people that mother earth just decided to send him packing to where he could be alone. "I may not have my fancy motorcycle or my horse up here, but I'm fine because all I have to do is worry about myself." Patton replied to one of our sound wave messages. "I'm just sitting up here without a cell phone, so if anybody wants to contact me, make sure they do it telepathically or through interstellar communications. I am not going to be the one that tries to keep contact."

As for current job prospects, Patton proclaims that he's just going to sit around and wait for a CPS school to call him or wherever Xavier Silas ends up next. "I recruited and coached Chauncey Billups, which qualifies me to coach anybody."

The coach still states he is in this position because of anybody but himself. "If only Bryan Hall wasn't terrible, even though I knew he couldn't shoot when I recruited him, he should have gotten better somehow." "I swear, if it weren't for an injury or two there, we would have been in the final four instead of either Butler or VCU." Patton made no mention of the fact his teams weren't fundamental on offense and didn't play defense whatsoever.

Nebulon star 620 is considering transferring to another galaxy even though it had been there for millions of years. Patton just came up to it one day and told him to leave his orbit. "I'm here just floating around. Somebody, just call me already."

In other news, Sundance Wicks is in fact an actual Star Wars character.