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Greetings from the Mid-Western Athletic Conference!

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I've been knocking on the decreasing quality of Northern Star over the years and lately I've found some articles that begin to prove my point. It's not nice to pick on student journalists. Heck, I have never been one, I'm just some blogger guy. Anyways, cheers to Brian Belford for this gem of an article:

[note: this is satire, however I am unsure the article in question is satire itself]

As an NIU student, there are a lot of things to pay for.

Like booze, ramen and.. I dunno, more booze?

The biggest of these, of course, is tuition.

Oh, that's right.

One fee that is factored into every student's tuition are tickets to NIU sporting events. This allows every student to go to any event, whether it be football, wrestling, tennis or golf, and see the game or match for "free," although technically it has already been paid for.

Aha, I see that you put "free" into quotes there. I can see you putting up finger quotes as you write this. The tickets aren't free. You have to walk all the way to the convocation center to get your tickets. ALL THE WAY TO THE CONVO. Do you know how long of a walk that is?

The problem here is exactly how many students are going to these games? Obviously, football games attract a lot of fans, but no one tailgates outside of the Convocation Center for a gymnastics event (no offense, gymnasts).

Tailgating for gymnastics is best left for the SEC. Also, since when did tailgating = actual attendance. A lot of [bad] people just tailgate and don't go to the games. And we want to watch you perform while eating THE EXPENSIVE GROSS NACHOS AND HOT DOGS THE CONVO SERVES. And don't get me started on how students have to pay for parking.

The problem can best be seen when witnessing an NIU basketball game.

The top level seats at the Convocation Center only get folded down for high school basketball events these days. At the last home game, a 78-53 loss to Western Michigan, the sparse amount of fans got so quiet during the blow out that one could hear the coaches talking to players across the floor during timeouts.

Listening to the coaches and players is actually a plus these days IF YOU DON'T GET KICKED OUT OF YOUR SEAT BY GESTAPO CONVO SECURITY.

It would only make sense to have students pay for games they want to see and not pay for the ones they don't go to.

The problem is NIU needs that money.

IT ONLY MAKES SENSE. Except for the fact the school needs money. Way to out-reason yourself.

Understandably, the teams at NIU play in the very glamourless Mid-Western Athletic Conference, which won't generate revenue. But losing millions of dollars per year means that there will be cut backs.

Is this satire? Somebody please tell me this is satire.Welcome to the MWAC folks. Temple is going to the Big East, but we're heading to this obscure conference. This person is writing a sports-related article yet has no idea what conference that NIU even plays in. Ridiculous.

There will be cut backs? What cut backs? Are you making the cut backs? I'm so confused. I highly doubt this isn't properly budgeted out every year.

If NIU were to simply cut some programs, it could save millions of dollars per year. The school could afford to pay for parking passes, building renovations, better computers and even better landscaping.

That's right, just simply cut some programs. It's not like we're spending millions of dollars on a new facility for the majority of these sports or anything. Just swipe them away. This time, you're going to have to really apologize to the gymnasts, Brian. Also, Title IX doesn't exist in this universe.

You think the school is going to pay for parking tickets? If they're desperate to make you pay for sporting events, they're going to make you pay for your own parking tickets. Yes, they're that desperate.

Better computers? OK. Better landscaping? Yes, we should devote all of our available resources toward this and nothing else.

Obviously not everyone can make it to games, and many people do not like sports, but the only way to get the university to stop charging the ticket costs to tuition is to start going to some of these games.

Notice your title says "Since you've already paid for NIU tickets, you might as well go to the games". What incentive do I have to go to games if I haven't already paid for them. Isn't that the title of your article. What other incentive do I have according to you?

Go see the basketball team play on a Saturday, or go to a wrestling meet or a gymnastics match. Many of these programs are in some desperate need of student support, especially basketball, which benefits greatly from the home court advantage of fans.

Why would I go to the games if I haven't already paid for tickets? SEE: TITLE OF YOUR ARTICLE. OR SEE: THE FINAL SENTENCE:

So please, take advantage of those tickets. You may as well go anyway, because you already paid for them.

Let's just take away all the athletics programs and make them irrelevant again like they were before Joe Novak built a winning football team and spread pride throughout the university.